Our Need to Connect, Even While Distancing

It’s been quite a ride of emotions the last 2-3 weeks, and to think we have at least another 4 weeks of social distancing has made me want to crawl out of my skin. 

Why does this term, “social distancing,” give me the worst feeling? Why does it bring tears to my eyes just saying it? I didn’t even know that’s how that term was affecting me until this morning. My coach asked me how I was doing, and, just saying the words, I lost it. 

I mentioned to friends when this all started that this situation was going to take a toll on people’s mental health. We should be calling it physical distancing, not social distancing. Physical distancing is a measurement of space, while social distancing is disconnecting from people. It's this perception of loss of connection that has made the words feel so isolating, that life is ending if we can’t connect. Rationally and logically, we know this not to be true, that life is not ending, but when we think of physical distancing, it’s a behavior, an action, that is easier to understand and get behind, vs social distancing, which we think of social isolation. (And maybe it’s why, as a sociable and empathetic person, I’m disliking this term so much).

So why? Why does it have such an impact? I won't go full on nerd for you, but neuroscience tells us that our brains are wired for social connection. Just as we need food, water, air, and shelter to survive, we need social connection to protect ourselves from the many threats out there. And even with the perception of that connection being lost, our bodies go into defense mode, and we feel pain from that loss. It seems silly to think that one word can cause all this anxiety, fear, and stress, but by replacing the word "social" with "physical," I feel better in my body. My body recognizes the “threat” is gone and retreats from the fight or flight mode. It seems like a weight has been lifted from my chest, and I can breathe. 

I want you to know that you are not alone, that your feelings matter, and that we are all in this together, connected by the very thing that wants to tear us apart. My coach reminded me this morning that, while this season of life is anything but normal, we have the opportunity to reflect on what we truly value and how we want to “show up”. The old adage is truer than true: “everything does happen for a reason,” and, maybe for me, that’s giving me the opportunity to connect with others in a different capacity than before. 

If you’re feeling the same way as I do, try it out -- say "physical distancing." Listen to what your body is telling you vs when you say "social distancing." This little shift in mindset has made a world of difference to me and my outlook about the upcoming weeks.  

I hope you’ll join me (virtually)* to improve your physical, emotional, and social health. We will be doing 30 days of gratitude and breathing exercises to reduce stress, and Dr. Joe and I have a fun game for the kids to play through our social media. 

Health & Happiness, 

Dr. Becky :) 

* For those of you who are my clients and are feeling isolated at home, make an appointment with me via Zoom - I can still be there for you.

📷: Chelsea Mello Gilbert